✨ Rejection

Currently for me, Human Design is a map towards radical self-acceptance. R-A-D-I-C-A-L.

In the few months past, a message I kept being pointed to was that "rejection is protection & redirection". But upon further reflection, experiencing rejection is still a hurdle for me to cross before it even has the opportunity to unravel the whys.

There are moments with the rejection of self, and other moments with the rejection of others. The sensibility to reject others comes relatively easy with an innate knowing that they are not for me nor I for them. But the rejection of self, which arises through interacting with others, can lead into a spiral of guilt and/or shame.

Growing up I was a Manifestor kid who had lots of time alone, as all I had to do was inform my busy single parent what I was going to do, and was mostly allowed to do so within reason. So whenever I was around adults, they were a source of filtering the external world as I knew it and I observed that they were mostly complaining or judging/gossiping. From that and the dynamics within my household (witnessing my parent dealing with older sibling who’d get into all sorts of entanglements aka life experiences), I mostly learnt how to ‘behave well’ in front of adults. 🤖🫢👹🫥🤡

"Better don't learn from your sibling! Don't repeat their mistakes."

"Don't make me disappointed."

"Don't make me worry."

"Listen to your parent."

"Take good care of your parent."

"Study hard so you can get a good job and a better life for your family."

So my relationship with rejection as far as I’m aware of at the moment, stems from this. And now I'm an adult in terms of legal age.

As much as my existence-written-in-the-stars seem to have with the archetype of "Individualism", there still is that battle of guilt between between honouring the integrity of my energetic authenticity - who I truly am - and compromise (compromise not in the Human Design framework because I've not explored that).

When I'm alone, I accept and know that I can be 'selfish' (intentional) with my time, energy and attention. When I'm with someone I'm close to or have a long history with, and they expect my time, energy and attention without any form of true recognition or mutual exchange, I may end up rejecting my self out of guilt based on the relationship previously established.

I'm at this point in my trajectory where conditioning can be a choice as awareness expands. Condition or be conditioned.

Now that I'm 30 going on 31, I'm really feeling the importance of my Environment (people-as-places-as-energetic-influence), which is a whole other interesting topic also covered in the Human Design System. Therefore I'm more selective - as much as possible - about the people and places I come into contact with these days... I go where not only I know I'm needed but also where I WANT to be.

Right now, most days I'm at 'rest' because I'm currently in a reflective (recognition) phase, so there's nothing else to be done (play-test / integrate) yet on this path of discovery.